This picture of a glass of water reminds me of the time I met a glass of water in a restaurant who asked me not to drink him until he told me his story. He said, “I rained down from the clouds and landed in a river in the middle of a city called Chicago. It was the day before St. Patrick’s Day 1988 and I was dyed green along with the whole river and somehow ended up in Milwaukee at a Miller Beer factory. I sat in the brewery and eventually after a year of hanging out I was put into a keg and shipped off to Motown. I arrived in Detroit on St. Patrick’s Day and was immediately dyed green. What is it with you people and your green dye? I was poured into a frosty mug and chugged by a reveler wearing a kiss me I’m Irish hat. She eventually peed me out and I was transferred to a sewage treatment facility in Phoenix Arizona. They beached and chlorinated my watery DNA and removed any lingering germs from my short stay in the bladder of the green hatted reveler with the UTI. So before you drink me I just wanted you to know little bit about where I came from. You should fucking thank me before you drink me you ungrateful bastard. I’ve been through hell and back. Don’t waste me. One day there won’t be any more of me left.”
So, I would like to take this time to thank the glass of water that I just chugged. From now on I’ll be more considerate with you now that I understand you have feelings. Speaking of feelings, I feel like I have to go pee but now I don’t want to use the toilet because I feel like I’ll be wasting you so I think I will urinate on this tree just like that dog over there is doing on the sidewalk. Oh no, hello officer.