I bought a taco from a man on a unicycle. He had a parrot on his shoulder and he was whistling Waltzing Matilda. He said he was from Austria and he was only visiting Australia to earn enough money to get to Austin. He was austere in his appearance and was reading a novel by Paul Auster. He was born in Austerlitz and spoke in halted hushed tones and his hair was perfect in an unkempt sort of disheveled perfection. He said he worked on a farm breeding Australorp chickens. He loved their eggs. He made breakfast tacos with green onions and pickled cabbage and scrambled eggs.

If you try to buy a taco from him it’s best to have your money ready to hand to the parrot because that unicycle whizzes by pretty fast. You’d think the taco would be cold but they’re wrapped tightly in tinfoil and they stay pretty hot. The biggest danger is when you hand the money to the parrot because his beak is sharp and he bit my middle finger on my right hand. This makes it hard for me to flip people off.

The taco? Man, it was tasty. One of the best. I want more but it’s a hassle.

Why can’t people just sell things the old fashioned way? I mean a unicycle is cool but it’s sort of overblown.

I hate to complain on Facebook but I have nowhere else to turn. I want more tacos. Less unicycles and parrots.

I think there are many reasons for the demise of taco presenters.

1. An influx of parrots- there are parrots everywhere lately and most of them are on the dole. We need to put them to work but they bite you when you hand them money.

2. Unicycles- each day I enter the arena of life, a unicycle cuts me off. They’re dangerous and most of the operators are drunks .

3. The corn tortilla famine- we need solutions, not bank loans. Corn tortillas are scarce these days and people are are trading them for Botox injections and teeth whitening services.

4. This is good weed man.

5. What was I saying?