How do you say goodbye to your mom? That’s what I’m wondering. After sitting in high alert mode holding her hand and singing to her she passed away at 9:38 pm on Thursday December 13, 2018. I was with her. She took her last breath and was finally at peace. She was 88 years old.

The sound of the oxygen tank was mechanical, meditative and mesmerizing. Her beloved dog Sunny looked so worried. It’s amazing what dogs know. She kept guard at the foot of the bed and kept crawling under the covers and then crawling out and slowly kissed my mom.

I knew this would be painful but I didn’t expect such a punch in the gut. I feel so bad for my Dad. They were married for 61 years.

I don’t know how he continues without her. He loved her so very much. I will never forget the sound of his grief and tears.

The last 48 hours have been a crazy ride. Crushed up morphine and Ativan helped ease her pain and anxiety and she went peacefully. Thank God for the instructions the hospice care nurses gave us. Sharon and I ground up the morphine and mixed it with a small amount of water and spooned it into my mom’s mouth every 2 hours. She was knocked out and opened her eyes every once in a while and it startled me.

I played and sang Amazing Grace, Make You Feel My Love, Pancho and Lefty and heaps of my own songs. My fingertips are feeling it. My mom loved my album One Left Shoe so I think I played every song on that record at least 3 times.

She also loved Michelle Obama so I read her Michelle’s book and I swear I felt my mother could hear me. She’d slightly smile as I read certain passages.

I’m really gonna miss calling my mom on the telephone. She was always so happy to hear my voice. She’d say “Stevie! How’s my beautiful boy doing? I love you so much.” She kept so many newspaper articles about me and was so proud. I already feel a void. Who am I gonna call when I’m really proud of something that only she would appreciate?

This all happened so fast. I was just dancing with her a couple weeks ago. I thought she’d be around another few years. Everyone loved my ma. She’d look you in the eye and ask you all kinds of questions.

The next thing you know it’s all over. The Trident Society pulls up in a white van and covers her and zips her up and wheels her away on a stretcher. Her green dress, her grey bra and her yellow socks. That’s what she left in. Her vessel. A green dress, a grey bra and yellow socks. That’s it. The undertaker had us write down what she was wearing. Those were her possessions.

The undertaker looked like an undertaker. He was dressed in black and had dark circles under his eyes. He was very calm. I wonder if undertakers start to look like that because of all the death they’re surrounded by?

Winifred Catherine Poltz was loved by so many. I feel so bad for my sister Kathy. She loved her so much. Kathy feels things and is an empath to the nth degree. I love her. My mom loved her.

Winnie was so beautiful and so smart. She had beautiful expressive eyes. She loved to read. She could blow through a book in one day. She could talk politics with the best of em and made the best spaghetti sauce in the whole wide world. She taught me how to write and encouraged my music. She’s my mom and now she’s gone.

How do you say goodbye to your mom?

I love you ma. God bless you.