Today I was walking in the rain and I met a dog who was lost because his pee scent he used for a map to get home got washed off the fire hydrants and trees so he looked at me for some sort of route guidance. When I stared into his eyes I realized he had the ears of a bat and his tail was made out of a rattlesnake. He was special so I pulled him in a red wagon I was using to cart amplifiers for a record I was making. The amps were wet but I didn’t mind because they were a new waterproof model made by RadioShack.

I asked the dog his name and he said he didn’t have one so I named him Femurbot Credenza. He didn’t like his name. He yawned at me and when he did a thousand butterflies flew out of his throat and proceeded to fly aimlessly like a bunch of drunks in flying saucers at closing time in a bar on the forgotten set of Bladerunner.

The dog started barking at the butterflies and jumped off the wagon and then started chasing his own snake tail until his own rattlesnake tail bit him on both his bat ears. I gave the dog a shot of whiskey and sucked the venom from his ears and I started hallucinating like the time I licked the belly of a toad in South America. I had a vision of the winning lotto numbers so I went to a liquor store and bought a ticket. When I turned on the tv I realized I’d won 336 million dollars. I thought the money would ruin my “art” so I set the winning ticket on fire.

Now I’m coming down from my venom high and I’m crying because I could’ve used the money. Do you think they keep records of purchases of lotto tickets? Perhaps I’m on camera buying the winning ticket? I’m freaking out. Please help.


I just called the liquor store and they knew my voice through their voice recognition lotto ticket service. They said I won the lotto and they were waiting for me to call.

Totally stoked about this. The first thing I’m doing is buying some candles. I love candles. And socks.