Hey you guys, I’m the real Steve!

I am the real Steve. The guy that wrote that stuff yesterday only exists in my mind. He isn’t real, o.k.? I live in a space ship near Pluto. I hate it when that other psycho Steve writes about the devil and stuff like that. My spaceship is patrolling right now overhead. I see you guys and what you’re doing and I’m telling Santa Claus about it. I love living in my rocket ship. It is just me and my dog Michael. I taught him how to steer so I am able to take cat naps. The only problem is that when I take a cat nap my dog thinks I am actually a cat and he growls at me the whole time. Needless to say, I am exhausted. Perhaps I can learn how to take dog naps or something. Plus, I am allergic to cats so whenever I take a cat nap I have take a benedryl or allegra. These pills make me sleepy and now I am hoing to rest and let Michael the type the rest of this message.
RUF Ruff bow wowow wow grrrrrrrrr ruff
ruffffff grrrrrrr
mmmm rrrrrrruffff grrrr bowwww woooooowww
xxo x

Satan I reject thee!

I woke up in the hills of Stanley Virginia this morning and got to see one of the most bestest wonderfulest sunrises ever. There ain’t nothin’ like the darn hills of old Virginny to make a man feel crazy hazy and never lazy. I felt Satan snapping at my heels and I yelled for him to shove his devil music up his arse. He wanted me to write some baaad music and I said to him “I reject thee Satan!” He grew a tail of spikes out of his head and his ears became antennaes and the songs of Beelzebub was a pourin’ out of his Marshall stack of a mouth. I threw a rock at his balls and he yelped like a jackal with a scream that almost burst my eardrums. His tongue was 666 snakes and he chased me up a hill and I stabbed him in the eye with a stainless steel tuning fork. He fell down the hill and told me he’d be back in a few weeks.
I’m moving to Sweden.
Steven joshua joshua joshua judges ruth Poltz

4 more beers! 4 more beers!

Everyone chant after me: 4 more beers! 4 more beers! Do this until your vision blurs and you are happy.
My guy lost the election and that’s the way it is. Am I sad? Hell yeah Dre I’m pissed off and sad. I think the better guy lost and now we are saddled with the inmates running the asylum. It seemed like the population was ready for a change, but I guess not yet. And now like the myth of Sysyphus we must push the rock back up the hill. I think we should push it up with a smile on our faces like we are giving the finger to the folks that put us there.
There is a new day dawning my brothers and sisters and cousins and half cousins and step fathers and aunts of the revolution. We shall start a revolution and walk all the way to our local pubs chanting 4 more beers!
I would like to leave you with a poem by E.E. Cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of allnothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
Steven JJ (pictured above with Lou Demarco) Poltz


I am so glad in my life I finally got to see the GMC ad. It has been since 1918 since we were allowed to see the commercial. What a curse I have had to deal with. They kept showing this stupid baseball game of two teams hogging the spotlight from GMC. This crap could have never happened without the sponsorship of a wonderful car company. I hate it that baseball gets in the way. Curse schmruse. My friends Westy and Dr. Leach kept interrupting my car commercials with their gin sotted phone calls of baseball lore.
I hope Bush wins the election so I can have something to complain about. I still haven’t received my absentee ballot from San Diego. I think Arnold is trying to keep this musician from voting. I mean, I applied for the absentee ballot 4 weeks ago. Now they tell me I have to have it back at the registrars office by 8 pm on Tuesday. It is costing me 50 bucks to vote via Fed Ex.
Congrats Boston Red Sox!!!!!!
Steverino Conspiract Theorist Poltz

goodbye dirty red suitcase

This here suitcase did me well but the zipper finally broke, so I threw the baby out with the ocean water before I left to the east coast. I feel it is only appropriate to rid myself of this container of clothes and merch. I loved this suitcase but they usually only last a year. I am crying over the loss but I will get over it. I have a new black one that I bought at Marshall’s for only 50 buckaroos.
Maybe when I tossed out the old case I was also tossin’ out the curse of The Bambino for the Sox as well. Last night was truly amazing to watch. I don’t think we will ever see something like this again in our lifetime. No baseball team had ever come back from a 3-0 deficit to win a series and to do it against the mighty Yanks was awesome. Hats off to Westy and Dr. Leach et al. How can the World Series top this? Lets just wait and see. Remember that the curse won’t be lifted until the Red Sox actually win the whole damn thing.
Goodbye red suitcase and perhaps…goodbye curse.
Steven Who’s my daddy? Poltz

was i dreaming last night?

I think that was the greatest baseball game I’ve seen in years. I had to turn on ESPN this morning just to see if it was true. I was pacing the floor in my apartment and jumping up and down and screaming at the television. That game was almost 6 hours long man! I couldn’t even go grab a bite to eat. I kept calling friends in Boston and screaming with them. 14 innings later The Sox won the game by a score of 5 to 4. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. The Yankees are cranky and we get to see another game tonight. They keep saying that no team has ever come back from a 3-0 deficit to win a series. Well has anyone ever come back from a 3-2 deficit? Oh they have? Well then I say anything can happen.
Oh yeah… The Astros kicked a little booty too. I kept switching back between both games to see the Astros win it in the ninth on a walk off homer by Jeff Kent. I am so happy for my musician pal Beaver Nelson. He is from Houston and now lives in Austin. Buy his new record. Go to beavernelson.com and check him out. I am sure he was in some smoky bar yelling his brains out last night. You will love his music as well his down home styleeee.
Thanks to the 500 plus folks who came out the Sycuan Theatre show on Friday night. It was sold-out thanks to you and I had a blast playing alongside the fabulous Stinky. This show would have never happened if weren’t for the efforts of Scott Bernstein at Sycuan. Thanks Scott. Thanks to Wangs as well for hosting over 105 people in their house for a living room show. I have never seen so many people crammed in to a living room since high school when my parents went out of town and I had a party.
Mas beisbol tonight!
Steven the baseball dreamer