Steve Poltz dog trainer!
I'll train your dogs to swing like Sinatra and Liberace. They'll swing like playground tether balls and yap at each other like New Years revelers at 4 am in a Denny's parking lot fistfight. They'll listen like thieves trying crack a safe in the back of a Catholic Church in the middle of mass. They'll sleep like sedated patients after getting wisdom teeth extractions. They'll behave like Manchurian Candidates hypnotized by Communist witch doctors. They'll wait quietly while you carve the roast beast as your dinner guests' mouths water impatiently while you tell bad jokes. They'll poo outside like wild apes and protect your borders from illegal aliens and peeping Tom paperboys high on glue from building model airplanes in the garages of Grandfathers everywhere. In short, they'll be the best friend you could ever ask for.