So hum

IMG_2396.JPGMy toes are snails and the moon is a picket fence and pop tarts are a myth. Everything I've been taught has all been for naught. Gordon Gekko was a lizard but never got to be in Geico commercials because his lips were too fat. I was a child in the sixties and my parents took me to transcendental meditation classes and I was given my own personal mantra. I was told to never tell anyone my mantra but here goes: my mantra is (----). *If you'd like to know more about this mantra, please send 1,000 dollars to the mantra foundation of Nicaragua located on 23 Cyprus Ave in Managua. Your mantra will be emailed to you within 48 hours. Please remember that not all mantras come with a money back guarantee and we recommend getting mantra insurance which we also happen to sell and if you'd like we can build it into your price for insurance and billing purposes. We accept most major credit cards AND Blue Cross insurance.

Speaking of purposes I hope you find your purpose on this lovely Sunday. Close your eyes and relax and let the river take you away. If you don't see a river then visualize one inside yer noggin. But please go pee first because you'll get restless and the visualization of water will make your pee instincts kick in. Ok good! Now let the water in your head float and say Soham. It means- I am that. In case you're vegan or kosher and don't like the word ham just remember that it is actually pronounced- So-Hum.

Now when you're using this mantra your mind may travel to thoughts of baseball or boobs or other things (these are only examples) so allow those thoughts to leave and enter at their own pace. Just enjoy yourselves for 30 minutes and just beeeeee. Buzzzzzzzzzz. So Hum So Hum So Hummmm. Soham Soham. Have a nice day. You are love. You are only love.