My shoes told me to take their picture. They got all excited and said, "Steve, Steve, STEVE! Take our picture by this beautiful rug. It'll look really neat and then other people can enjoy us as much as you do." Then they said,"Do you realize 'you do' rhymes with voodoo and you do that voodoo so well." It felt good to have a conversation with my shoes and for the first time I really opened up. I told them my deepest darkest fears and my hidden dreams and desires. I told them that life sometimes scared me and that there were times I went to restaurants alone in the rain and watched lovers eat pizza while I sat solo in a booth. That I would forget to bring my glasses and my phone and I'd just stare at a menu like I was reading it even though it was completely blurry to my less than stellar eyes. I would fake read so that I looked occupied. Then I looked down at my shoes and they were crying. They said, "We're not crying from your story, we just stepped on fresh chopped onions." Then I took this picture.