Rusty baby laxative 

You wanna talk about performance enhancing rust? I met a guy from India who peddled rust in tiny little paper envelopes not unlike the kind heroin dealers preferred. He sold it in a powder form mixed with baby laxative and meth and each little envelope had a personalized stamp ensuring the highest quality with each discreet purchase. He was a gracious chap who would greet his customers with an obligatory hello followed by a photographic slide show on his gangsta flip phone. This picture is the money shot that he used on his more skeptical customers who were still uncertain of their moral turpitude. Once his possible clients saw that the rust came from a farm in Iowa they were usually swayed and ended up purchasing at least an eighth of an ounce. The fella from India would then immediately wire half of the funds back home to a bank account in Mumbai belonging to his grandmother who ran an ashram for a guru named Siddhartha. The whole thing seems sort of shady but then again so do high powered lobbyists. Everyone has to put their pants on in the morning. Unless they shit their pants from rusty baby laxative.