Poor Old Chairy Chairerson
This poor old Florida chair served many butts in its day and this is the thanks it gets? I felt sad as I drove by it so I turned around and said- "Hello old chairy chairerson. You sure look defeated and tired."
He had a thick southern accent and drawled "I wah wit ol Buford Magee down der by da swamp aynd his lil doggies put a hurtin on me but I din't mind. Dey was good peeple. Cept fer when ol Buford was gassy. Den it wasn't so fun. One night Buford got drunk and shot his tellyvision just like he was Elvis."
"You must have been scared. Would you ever suggest to Buford that perhaps he was lactose intolerant? Or maybe that the copious amounts of gmo gluten substances were Monsanto-ing his system into a state of dystopia?" I yammered on and on until the chair cut me off.
"I don't know what yer takking bout city boi. We just ate Wendy's Baconators and Burger King Whoppers and milkshakes and chips. We had all da food groups. I only got to eat what dey spilt on me. I'm all stained up and old now and ain't nobody want me."
"I want you Chairy. Please come to San Diego with me. Hopefully Southwest Airlines lets me bring your flea infested pervy DNA soaked cushions and frame on board. I won't quit you Chairy. I won't quit you!"
Please donate to my Chairy Chairy Kickstarter fund to bring Chairy Chairerson to San Diego. Any amount helps.