Oak Vegas Oakville smokeville come tonight for a thrill
Last night's show at The Moonshine was sold out but tonight there are still tickets available. This is good new because I love this venue and there are flights available from all kinds of cities. Perhaps you're in Brazil and you would like to come to the show? I'll send a private jet. Where are you? I'll send it. I have several jets at my disposal so I think you should come to Canada. Or- better yet, book your own flight. Last night was so much fun. I had a skip in my step and the crowd was energetic and lovely. James opened the show was fantastic and John and Jane who own the joint were very hospitable. The cool thing about this club is that they have hot tub seating so everyone was walking around naked like they were in a Korean day spa. There was this one tattooed Russian guy who just walked through the venue naked like a proud lion. I've never seen a place like this. I bet you tonight the cops are going to show up and shut the place down. They have vines hanging from the ceiling and people have the option of dressing up like Tarzan and Jane and swinging over to the bar for more Kahlua drinks. There's also a bowling alley on the stage so in the middle of my set people were gambling on strikes and spares. They sell guns and cigarettes to minors AND miners so you have this mix of older men with dirty coal faces drinking whiskey and carrying guns and ammo holding court with young texting kids with skateboards and video games. The whole town was smoking. You can't walk down the street not smoking something. It's against the law to NOT smoke something. I wore a straw hat and smoked peppermint hookah tobacco from a corn cob pipe and told everyone my name was Tom Sawyer. I sang a medley of Rush hits and cut my hair in a bad ass mullet.
Don't miss tonight's performance. It starts at 8:30 but get there early for the BBQ. There was crazy thunderstorm last night and I almost crapped my pants when a lightning bolt came dangerously close to where I was sitting. I jumped up from my seat and my tea went flying all over someone's tortilla chips. It was hilarious and scary. I thought there was a drive by shooting but then I remembered I was in Oakville. Oakville is Niceyville and there wouldn't be a drive by in Niceyville. Then I thought it was fireworks from Seaworld in San Diego because it was about 9pm. I thought, "uh oh! an errant firework coming at my head!" Then I realized I wasn't in San Diego and for a second or three I couldn't remember where I was. That scared me even more because for the life of me I didn't know if I was in Iowa or Swaziland. Then I was like, "whoa dude, you're in a suburb outside Toronto. It's cool bro." And I was all, "Whoa!" And then I was like "man." And then everybody else was all "that's so funny bro." And then I was like, "cool." And then they were all "rad!" Anyways---- this little game could go on forever so I'll end it here, Whoa. Dude. Dude. Bro. Dude. Bro. Dude.
Here's a fun little pic taken last night outside my hotel. The painting of those kids looking out the window of the RV completely creeped me out. They looked so real that after a while I really thought they were real and then we played a game of euchre. It was like a Twilight Zone episode. A parallel universe where RV painted people live an idyllic life where everything is wondrous and beautiful and times stands forever still. Beautiful elk walk unscathed through parking lots unaware that they're even in a parking lot while men with permanent smiles painted on their faces stand in boots with fishing poles by rushing rivers while gorgeous moms stand content with silver trays of cookies of cookies resting on their lovey manicured hands. Welcome to RV World. A land of wonder and amazement. I live in RV World and I'm not coming back. It's Niceyville to the nth degree here and I love it. Listen real close and you'll hear whistling birds and the peaceful sound of a distant waterfall. Hold hands and walk together past hibernating bears and listen to cute little snoring sounds coming from the dark cave. We have a picnic to set up so don't go in the cave because RV World doesn't have a contingency cave plan. Stay in the designated painting space and you'll be smiling forever in RV World. I'm going to crawl back inside my sleeping bag and take a trip to slumberville.