When you first come out on stage grab the mic and say "is this thing on? Is this thing on?" Then hold the mic up to your bum and rip a loud gasser and then say "what are your guys thoughts on The NRA? Are you guys pro choice? What are your thoughts on God? Do you think The President is doing a good job? Do you guys think we need healthcare for everyone?" The put the mic back to your bum again and rip an even louder fart. Then listen to everyone shout at you and each other. Then flip off the whole audience and walk off stage and say "I'll be signing CDs in the back at the merch table."
If you follow this advice you will go places.
Sincerely, Steve Poltz Life Coach