I think North Carolina should start a war with Italy

North Carolina's Chair (Yay!)largestchair.jpg Italy's "chair" (makes me sick!) italychair.jpg Ya see-- North Carolina used to have the world's biggest chair. Remember back in 1908 or so? N.C. had a big ass chair that was over 13 feet. Everyone started ganging up on them and I think their feelings are still hurt. It was a beautiful wooden chair from Thomasville, North Carolina which prides itself on being part of the Furniture and Hosiery Capital of the World. Pennsylvania eventually held the title back in 1979 with a 25 foot tall chair. Leave it to those crazy Dutch ancestors to really kick it into gear. And yet, after only two years of accolades, it was chopped into kindling. Accusations that "young people were climbing up and doing unsafe things on it" forced the state of Pa to tear down the behemoth for good. Hmmm? Then the Italians went and built a 60 foot chair. This chair is made of steel and metal and it makes me sick! And then they sent it to us. Why don't they stick with shoes or pasta? This is a direct slap in the face of North Carolinians everywhere. If you are from North Carolina then you should stop eating Italian food or build a bigger chair. Build it out of Cheerio cereal boxes and wood. Either that, or attack Italy. Withdraw any North Carolina soldiers that are in Iraq and send them to Europe until the new chair is built. Make it 100 feet tall and 60 feet wide. Do it for America dammit! Your tourism will skyrocket and you get a pro baseball team from MLB. If you would like to listen to my chair song then click below. This is a rare recording done with some crazy L.A. musicians one afternoon including Doug Pettibone on a classical cat gut nylon string guitar. I always wondered why they call them cat gut. My fingers are always itchy after I play guitar with them unless I take my allergy meds. Do they really make them out of cat guts? Gag me with a spoon. Like, Oh my God! Yours In War, SJJP CHAIR SONG L.A. VERSION!!!