Holy Smokes (these living room shows are fun)

1.livingroom.jpgI don't even know where the last few days went. I know I was in Virginia at Bill and Dana's 7th annual living room show. Bill got a new hip and this was a party in honor of his new hip. He was so spry that it made me want to get a new hip and i don't even need one. He did a gymnastics routine that brought the house down. A floor show and a horse show and a donkey show. He was amazing I tell you. AMAZING. Dana , his lovely wife and cohort was a gracious hostess and made homemade donuts with her new donut making machine. This thing is crazy and it takes up half of the kitchen. But I'll be damned if these weren't the best tasting donuts I've ever had. It got kind of crazy when one of the donkeys tipped over the burning hot oil on Bill's new hip. He couldn't feel a thing because the hip is titanium so he was just in the middle of his horse routine literally on fire. I know there are going to be lawsuits but it was all worth it. We played a full rock show in their living room and the fact that the cops never came makes me wonder if there is any authority at all in the city of Suffolk. I think it is a lawless village where anything goes. We played one of the weirdest songs I've ever made up on stage. Christopher Hoffee kept on playing classic rock riffs from hugely popular songs and then combined that with intermittent reggae strums. Patrick followed suit on the drums while I sang every lyric to Police songs and Billy Joel songs and Foreigner songs I've ever known. This went on for a good 25 minutes. I surprised someone didn't throw a beer bottle at my head. We didn't go to sleep until 4 in the morning and had to be up and moving at 6 am. How come whenever we have a nice hotel like we did at The Hilton in Suffolk, we always have to leave at a Godless hour? We drove 11 hours to Chattanooga for another living room show at Kim's house for her birthday. Another great hostess and this time we had belly dancers open up for us. I can safely say I've never had belly dancers open up for any of my shows. It was simply amazing to watch these dancers and we even had one of them come up and dance on "Rains." Their percussionist also joined us and it was one of the longest craziest versions yet. I hope someone filmed it. There were heaps of little kids in the audience for the early set so we did a bunch of stuff off of The Barn cd. Everyone sang happy birthday to the birthday folks. Ryan, Kim and Darryl. Then someone blew up their car out in front of the house. Blew it to smithereens and I put out the fire and saved everyone. All of my other band members were scared except for me. I am a hero and I even climbed a tree and rescued a cat. I am so awesome. Then I found a cure for measles and small pox. I think the Mayor of Chattanooga is going to step down and let me run the place. I am going to impose a curfew and force people to listen to my cds only. When I walk down the streets of Chattanooga people will have to bow or they'll be whipped 150 times in public. I can't wait to straighten things out around here. Tonight however, I must go to Atlanta. Smiths Olde Bar awaits. Buy your tickets now. This is an order. Go do it! Keeping America safe, Steven JJ Poltz