heaven.jpgLast night a spaceship carrying a dog landed on my porch and nobody saw it save for me. The light was so bright it almost blinded me and there was a thin man glowing like neon, doing backflips on a tiny railing. Michael the spacedog was being honored by several monks in purple robes. They said they were from Hellven, a little known place in the nether regions of quadrant 42, near sector 7. Hellven is a little bit Heaven and a little bit of Hell. The drinking fountains serve cool crisp water with a touch of honey and lemon or if you flip a switch they serve flavorful home brewed beer. Some people say it is an ideal world in which people treat each other with compassion, and their minds become uncorked and sprinklers shoot out of their ears, and shower the thirsty masses with crazy, horny love juices. Love blooms through every crack in the sidewalk and the planet is one big goofy sing along talent show where everybody wins. The government doesn't want you to know about Hellven because they are worried that people will stop believing in them. They are afraid of people questioning their authority. I know this for a fact because last night the men in the purple robes with the assistance of Michael the spacedog gave me a slideshow that opened my mind like a can of Dinty Moore beef chlie. I thought there was a trickle of blood coming out of my ear after they left but it was just some leftover samples of their sprinkler ears. I now have a little of their knowledge and have decided to walk across America this week to spread the word. Please send me money to this website via paypal. I promise not to eat that crappy food they serve at Perkins while on my journey. God speed, God rest ye merry gentlemen, God willing, God bless, God is dog spelled backwards, Godapalooza, Poltz-o-nautica