God.com

20140719-160743-58063379.jpgThat'd be cool if God had a website. God. com and you could order tshirts and they were super soft white cottony and hobottany. (I didn't know how to rhyme cottony) But anyways - if God had a website it'd be great if he posted tour dates and stuff. Maybe some of the tshirts could have a burning bush on them and others just pearly gates. Maybe he could also sell vinyl records of songs he wrote while he was doing other stuff like making people out of clay.

There could also be his blog with his musings about his daily activities and life itself.

like this:

Hey Humans on Earth,

Why are you guys so effing screwed up? I gave you great soil, air and water and all you're doing is poisoning it? But anyways, here's a new recipe for some brownies I came up with the other day while I was trying to divert a hurricane and avoid another world war. These things are scrumptious with a hint of cinnamon and walnuts.

Also- if you'd like I can teach you how to be nicer to one and other but you need to learn to listen. I'm doing a Kickstarter for my new cd (hey, I'm broke!) and it contains some secrets to happiness. It's called God (listen up) It's whiter than The White Album by the Beatles.

Here are the levels:

10 bucks get you a digital download.

20 gets you a God poster.

30 gets you a poster signed by me God and a digital download AND some of my brownies.

200 gets you a visit with my son and a pack of bubblegum cigarettes and some brownies and a poster.

500 gets you all of the above and some of my new frankincense and myrrh cologne AND my cellphone number.

1000 gets you all of the above and your name on the credits as an executive producer AND a piece of genuine wood from Noah's Ark. (While supplies last)

2000 gets you all of the above and it gets you fast-tracked to the head of the line outside the pearly gates unless your last name is Hitler. Valid ID required.

That's all for now. I gotta go save a cat who's trapped in a tree.

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Peace out, God (Hashem)

PS- I love you