Getting to Houston
Wow, I'm in Houston, Texas. So, I flew into Dallas Monday night and rented a car to drive south toward the dirty H. Now I love Houston, because the people there they treat you fine. Every single time I play The Mucky Duck it's a great time and last night's show was a hoot! Thank you. But getting here was a hassle.
I rented a car at DFW from Alamo. I'm without Modl in this Texas leg of the tour. I stopped at Waffle House for a waffle in some strange little Texas town. I put the address of my hotel in my gps and started making up a song called "I'm So Fucking Awesome." I was cracking myself up and after demolishing that syrupy waffle I drove back on to I45 south toward H-town. Everything was going fine when all of a sudden the rental car started lurching and sputtering and the transmission was spinning like a shitty blender motor. I barely was able to pull the car over to the side of the road as speed freak truckers whizzed by me at 80 mph. I ended up in a "picnic" area. This isn't even a rest stop. It's just called a picnic area. it's where serial killers hang out as far as I'm concerned. It was now 2 am and Alamo Rent a Car said that help was on the way. Don't ever believe them when they say that. I got an automated call from a robot that informed me in a robot voice that in 120 minutes a new car would be arriving. 120 minutes? Why don't they just say 2 hours? So two hours pass and nothing. No car no call. I call back and they say they're sorry but it should be there in 60 minutes. In the meantime the AC breaks and it's hotter than hell and hot air is blowing in. I was too scared to open my windows because there were creepy truckers and hobos lurking about and staring at me lime I was fresh meat which I was. My cell phone battery had 3 percent charge left and i was sweating like whore in church AND I forgot to bring a car charger. Right about then I started singing a new song called "I'm not so fucking awesome. I'm not so fucking awesome." Finally at 6:30am a tow truck shows up with a new car in tow for me. I wanted to hug the tow truck driver but he was so high on crank that it would have been like hugging a hummingbird.
To add insult to injury the car they gave me is a PT Cruiser which is funny because whenever I rent cars I specifically say "whatever you do please don't give me a PT Cruiser." So I drove to Houston in my crappy PT Cruiser just in time for rush hour traffic. I got to my hotel at 9 am on no sleep and so happy to be in Houston. I'm not that awesome but my show last night sure was fun.
I play in Austin Texas Thursday night at The Cactus Cafe.