El Poltzo heads to Kansas City
Tonight's the night. It's gonna be alright. El Poltzo is arriving in style. I live in a box of cigars. I love the scent, the aroma of brown dried tobacco leaves. I was left on the doorstep of a Cuban circus troupe and spent my formative years in Havana. I would play guitar while doing backflips on the trapeze. In between stints my boss or jefe would make me sell peanuts in the grandstands and sweep up elephant poo. Those pachyderms have some monstrous size movements. I learned about composting and fertilization and eventually set a Cuban record for tobacco leaves and tomatoes. There seemed to be more money in cigars so I opted for a future in music but during the days I was a fledgling cigar roller. Well, they say practice makes perfect and pretty soon Castro learned of my new rolling technique and the amount of tobacco I used and one bright sunny day he sent a courier to come get me. He made me tobacco czar of Havana and offered me a salary of 14 dollars a month. I found a guitar teacher and barely slept 3 hours each night. I was told I could never leave Cuba so I hired a witch doctor to make a shrinking potion and I drank it and shrunk myself and stowed away in a box of cigars. Fidel was furious and sent a posse out to capture me but by that time I'd arrived safely in Canada and found asylum. Actually, I found Asylum Records but that's another story. All I know is that I grew back to normal size and I'm famous in Cuba and there is a new cigar in black market called The El Poltzo. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Jack Nicholson have all been seen with one in their hands. I never asked for any of this attention and I apologize for those of you who have encountered any fallout as of a result of this. It's not my fault, I'm just good at what I do. Viva Cuba and Viva El Poltzo.
Kansas City tonight! Davey's Uptown Ramblers Club Club tonight. Doors at 9 --- show at 9:30.