Breaking News! The Sausage Race Video Is Here! Dang it all!

Here is the video of my debut in the sausage races in Milwaukee. Chris Modl edited this beautifully. I am ashamed of my performance and promise to do better in the future. There are reasons for my poor showing and I'll think of them soon.

Top 10 Excuses for losing the sausage race
  1. I was drugged before the race by the mob who had money on a different sausage.
  2. I was wearing tight jeans.
  3. I ate too much kettle corn before the race.
  4. The Polish sausage costume was loaded with weights,
  5. Those other guys were younger and run the race all the time.
  6. I wanted to lose.
  7. My right leg is actually broken and my toes don't bend anymore.
  8. I was scared that one of the players on The Braves was going to hit me with a bat.
  9. I bet on myself to lose and won big amounts off of the mob.
  10. I've been cloned and I'm actually living in Tahiti.