IMG_4494-0.PNGI'm one like away from 7,000 on this page. And then? Well, glad you asked. Things are about to change.

1. I'll immediately be able to fly first class on any airline anywhere at any time for half the cost of a coach class ticket.

2. Batteries will always be included with any purchase. Even oranges and socks.

3. The winning lotto numbers will sprinkle from the sky like confetti and only I will be able to see them as long as I wear my special glasses that the Angel Moroni will personally give me.

4. Strangers will approach me on the street and give me pieces of chocolate cake.

5. Mark Zuckerberg will gift me 10,000 shares of Facebook at today's prices with the only stipulation being that I have to accept a Tesla from him in exchange for my old toothbrush.

It's gonna happen any day now.

You just wait and see.

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