Cool stuff! 


Ok. A couple cool things-

I’m in Toronto. The Padres are in town playing The Blue Jays. (Cool)
I went to the game last night. Pads lost. (Not cool)

I ran into Rocket From The Crypt at the game! (Cool) they were sitting right near where I was sitting. What are the odds of that? In Toronto of all places. Hey there’s a pic of me with Pete from Rocket!

I got to go down on the field for batting practice! (Cool)

I get to go see Rocket From The Crypt tonight at Lee’s Palace. (Cool)

I’m playing Wednesday in Oakville Ontario. At the The Moonshine.

Then this Friday night I play Toronto at The Dakota. This is a 7pm show. I repeat 7pm!

Other cool news –
I play Boston Sunday July 31.
Actually Cambridge. At Club Passim. Please help me pack this place. I am asking for your help on getting folks out Club Passim. Sunday July 31.

Check this out –
My show in Halifax on Wednesday Aug 3rd is sold out.
I repeat sold out!

So we’ve added a second Halifax show. Thursday Aug 4. The waiting list for tix is already long so get on it today. Some of you may be saying “Steve, you’re already playing Lunenburg Nova Scotia on Aug 4.” I know this. However- I play early enough in the day that I will easily be able to play a show that night at The Carleton.
Contact The Carleton immediately to the get yer Tix because there is already a list of folks wanting Tix. The reason I was able to book this extra show is because Mike Campbell flew out from Halifax to see the game. And so did my agent Adam Bauer! So wenaddednthe extra whilst sitting at the game.
Does that make the game a write off?

I guess they like me because I was born there.

Then I play Lunenburg again the next day on Friday.

I hope this all makes sense.

I’m sick of politics. I want to play music and spread joy. It’s what I know how to do.

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You smell like horse pee 

jumentous

adjective 

Of or relating to

Smelling like horse urine

Here the video
After hanging out on this farm at this folk festival my jeans have a jumentous reek. 
#stevepoltzwordoftheday

#wordoftheday

#jumentous

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Gossypiboma

gossypiboma this is my word of the day. Check out the video
A surgical sponge accidently left inside a patient’s body

#stevepoltzwordoftheday

#wordoftheday

#gossypiboma

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Georgian Bay!


oh wow! Canada! So pretty today at The Georgian Bay in Collingwood. I just went for the best kayak and swim. It’s beautiful here eh?

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Hunger Games 


Cruz went rogue. It was like Dylan going electric. There were boos.

Except that Dylan had better hair. And better songs. And a better message.

But still-

It ain’t easy to be the villain. He out-villained the orange villain.
It was a big gamble. And then the orange villain hogged the camera away from the slick haired villain. It was like The Hunger Games!

I can’t make this shit up. It’s awesome! Except it’s real!
#USAUSA #hungerGames #spraytans #bible #guns #god #carpetbomb #trumpkidsarereallygreathunters #dylan #cruz #boo #overturnRoeVwade #nohealthcare #collegeis4dummies #booksRstupid #booGay #givemuslimsAtest

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ISIS Syrias about my cabinet 


That’d be cool if Donald Trump got elected President of The USA and named Scott Baio Secretary Of State and Senator Joni Ernst Secretary Of Defense. Then after news leaked out that Baio and Ernst were having serious arguments over how to handle ISIS and Syria they could have a news conference with President Trump. Then when Trump gets asked a question about ISIS and Syria he could say “ISIS really Syrias about squelching these rumors about any discord within my cabinet so let me state for the record that Joni Loves Chachi.”

Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the buffet.

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Did you say seitan?


Dr Ben Carson was right!

Hillary Clinton is seitan worshipper. I used to work at the Pita Pit in Arkansas (along with my job as a clerk at Bed Bath And Beyond) and Hillary would come in and order a seitan pita delight (with extra hummus AND baba ghanoush) and she would ONLY let me or Ben Carson make her pitas because she said we “had the touch”.

And then?

She would eat the pita and her head would spin around 360 degrees and she’d scream “I just love seitan! Mmmm seitan seitan seitan! Momma like seitan.”
Then she would flick her tongue like a snake and say “Hubba hubba hubba! Seitan! Gimmee more a dat seitan!”

I would always try to get her to order the pork roll but (curiously) she’d never order the pork. (Secret Muslim or vegan?) Only seitan! All seitan all the time!

What’s even weirder is the pita came out to 6.66 including tax. #seitanworshipper

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Satin worshipper


I think people misunderstood Ben Carson. He didn’t call Hillary Clinton a Satan worshipper. What he said was that she was a satin worshipper. Ya see- I used to work at Bed Bath And Beyond with a young Ben C when he was in medical school and Hillary C came in one day and bought a lovely set of beautiful satin sheets and she said “I just worship these satin sheets. They’re so tempting and amazing.” By the way- they weren’t cheap either. They cost. 666 dollars. —-

Thank you. I’ll be here all week.
#satinworshipper

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Comedy gold

This is the best comedy of the year. Did Mel Brooks write it? 
Amazing. How do they make it look so real? Scott Baio’s career could be resurrected like Travolta’s when he did Pulp Fiction. 
Seriously, who wrote this? I hope they bring it to Broadway. 
Remember Springtime For Hitler

from The Producers? They wrote a play that would be so horrible that it would have to fail? And then the show turns out to be a major hit? 
That’s what this is! Write a play about a bunch of rich guys who can’t have their candidate win because they’ve bet a bunch of money in Vegas on a candidate from a rival party. 
So they come up with this horrible character that is so completely offensive and idiotic that there’s absolutely no way he can win the presidency because no one would ever want him to have the nuclear codes. Have the guy make the most inane comments and be clueless as to how the political process works! Yes! This sounds awesome. Have him be on his third wife! Have him mispronounce names and stories out of the bible. Make his hair weird and give him an orange spray tan. It’s so funny how crazy we can make this guy. Have him insult Mexico and women and Muslims and wait— even have him insult the Pope. Hilarious! No one would EVER elect him. He’s a sure thing to lose. 
And then he wins. 
Comedy gold.

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Chill out – seriously. 


Perth Ontario Canada! Thanks for all the love. Stewart Park Festival is a good’n.

I didn’t really know what to expect. I’d never played this festival before.

1. great staff of volunteers (they deliver your gear to the proper stages and make sure you have everything you need. Great sound. The whole deal

2. Food glorious good. Gave me energy. Helped me play three shows in one day.

3. Cool in the round stages. I met some really great musos and we threw together ad hoc bands and the energy ramped up to a zillion.

4. Great housing / my hotel was so lovely.

Thanks to Joel Leblanc for being such a great artistic director.

In other news –
I’ll be back to Perth Ontario on October 25 at The Full Circle Theater. (Only 18 tix left!)

I hereby decree that this week is Unity Week.

Everybody put down your fucking guns. Lock em away for a week. Turn off hate talk radio and crappy inflammatory news. Read some Kurt Vonnegut or something.

Just do something nice for someone. Seriously. Go out of your way. Try talking with someone that you might not normally talk to. It starts with you. It may sound small but we gotta start somewhere.

It takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Get hooked on doing something nice for someone. Take a risk! You might get addicted. If they shun you that’s ok! You get extra points for that. Don’t give up.

We (a collective WE) need to make this world a better place. We actually have a lot more in common than you might think.

Start on common ground.

Remember- Voltaire said –
Every man is guilty of the good he did not do.

He also said –
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

And this –
It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

And of course my favorite Voltaire quote –
Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.

Have a good week

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