Hiding in the shower from the aliens in the unidentified flying object. They’re looking for me and snatching at my DNA and their spaceship can shape-shift but I’m super swift yet I’m tired and need a lift. Don’t cause a rift. I’m bereft. Dress left. Don’t have heft. But I’ll be your beft —->>> fwend. Won’t you please please help me help me help me eee eee wooooh.

Photog bi Dennis Andersen

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It certainly is

It’s important to know what to pack.shirt

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It’s cold (the unexpected virtue of ignorance)


Last night it was -2 degrees fahrenheit. That’s pretty balmy. Nice weather for thawing out frozen blueberries. Gardening weather. Tanning and bbq weather.

I stepped on a tube with wings and flew way high in the sky to the north and to the east. Now here I am in Halifax Nova Scotia Canada.

This is the by far the dumbest little 3 gig tour I’ve ever done and I’ve done some dumb ones.

Some of you may say “Steve, why are you flying so far just to do 3 shows when you have to be in Australia next week? Isn’t Australia closer to San Diego where you live?”

These are great questions.

Here’s what happened-

A few months back you may recall that I got booked to do a whole tour with Mike And The Mechanics. It was meant to be over 30 shows across the USA and a couple in Canada.

Well, I was all set to do the tour and then at the same time, I found out I got Port Fairy Folk Festival AND Blue Mountain Festival in Australia.  The problem is that they overlapped. I’ve wanted to play those 2 festivals for years but never got accepted. I was passed over. I didn’t make the team. So finally after trying again and again it happened.

So, I had to make a decision. Do I go out and do a national tour opening for Mike and The Mechanics or do I go to Australia for my 14th time? Things are really starting to go good for me there.

If I did the Mechanics tour I’d get to meet Mike Rutherford who was in Genesis. I’d hang out with some fun Brits and bond and have fun. The kind of stuff that happens when you go on an extended tour with people. You sort of become family. That would’ve been a blast.

But, I always wanted to play those two festivals.

So- my agent Adam says to me “I’m really sad that you’ve decided you’re not doing the Mechanics tour. All I needed was a miracle and I got it.” Heh heh. I love Adam.
“Can you at least do the beginning of the tour? Like 6 shows?”

I said “of course!”

So then here we are months later and we realize that due to the fact that you lose a day when traveling to Australia I can only do about 3 of the dates.

Then my friend Mike Campbell who owns The Carleton in Halifax says to my agent “since Steve is going to be in DC can you have him shoot on up to Halifax to play a show. We miss him and we’ll pay him some cold hard cash I have buried under the snow.”

I thought to myself “well, I love Halifax. It’s my birthplace. I can see some relatives and it’s not THAT far from DC. (It actually is pretty far) but I love Mike Campbell and my shows at The Carleton are always special. That place is magic.

So then my agent Adam tells me that one of The Mike and The Mechanics gigs is cancelled. I was meant to do 2 nights in DC but now it’s just 1.

So here’s my schedule-

The Steve Poltz Dumbest Tour Ever (and he’s done some dumb ones)

Tuesday Feb 24-
The Carleton Halifax.
Zoinks! That’s tonight.
Just me. Solo. No Mechanics. I can’t fix a fucking thing.

Then I start my long extended 2 gig run with Mike and The Mechanics.

Friday Feb 27
The Birchmere
Alexandria Virginia

Saturday Feb 28
The Sands Bethlehem Event Center
Bethlehem Pennsylvania
(1 hour from Philly!)

Then I fly to San Diego on Sunday.

Then Tuesday March 3, I fly to Melbourne Australia and actually arrive on Thursday morning March 5.

So now my Mechanics tour is only 2 dates.

My new book is going to have a really long title and be called-
How To Tour Like A  Dumb Fuck
*Stupid Decisions I’ve Made*
- how Steve Poltz conquered the world by thinking the map on his bedroom wall was actual size. The unexpected virtue of ignorance.

It’s gonna be great. A real page turner. They’ll make a film about it and Bradley Cooper will lose a bunch of weight and learn guitar and play me and win an Academy Award.

Oh- I downloaded Inherent Vice on my iPad and watched it twice on my flight. It’s the new stoner Lebowski type film that I can watch over and over. Really funny. Especially the scene when all the FBI agents are picking their noses. I was laughing so hard on the plane. I was THAT guy.

I wanted Boyhood to win best picture.

Thanks for showing up and being so full of love at The Belly Up. What a night! I love you guys. I mean it man. Best night ever. I saw so many friends. Fred Van Vactor was there!

All of the musicians played their hearts out.

See you in Halifax tonight! xoxo

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Take me back to Halifax

I’ll be returning to my birthplace for one show. One show only. This Tuesday Feb 24 in the year of 2015. Get your tickets early.

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So for tomorrow night’s show at The Belly Up—- thanks for making it a sell out. It’s gonna be packed.

It starts at 8 and we’re usually pretty prompt.

It’ll be non stop music. Heaps of musical guests

Berkely Hart!
Gregory Page
Dead Rock West
Tim Flannery and The Lunatic Fringe
Steve Poltz
The Rugburns

I’ll be MC and keep the show moving along with very little dead air.

Once again thanks for helping to make it a sold out show.

See yA

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It’s all fun and games until

It’s all fun and games at Rugburns practice until someone gets hurt. Rock!!

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Fun times

Having fun right now with The Rugburns. Photo by Neal at Left Coast.

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My word of the day is bryology. The ultra smart dickshonearie people tell me it is a noun and it means—-> The branch of botany that deals with mosses, liverworts, and hornworts.

Challenge accepted-

My show at The Belly Up tomorrow night is already sold out which means I’m going to have to sneak in my hornwort and liverwort dealer because it’s much too late to start growing my own. Beginning today I’m going to start studying bryology so I never have to rely on a back alley dealer again. Grow yer own liverworts dude. Plus. I only like organic hornworts and me thinks Monsanto has their dirty hands in the business of worts. I heard a rumor that they’re starting work on genetically modified hornworts. We used to have a saying in the The Rugburns: You can always trust a bryologist. Their intentions are pure.

Nowadays I worry this is no longer true. There’s dirty seeds in the mossy hands of lobbyists.

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Effulgent like a mofo

My word of the day is effulgent.

Them durn dictionary folks say it means:
shining forth brilliantly; radiant.

The Rugburns will take the stage at The Belly Up this Saturday and in their own musical way they will float across the effulgent throngs of smiling revelers.

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A surgical mask?

It was great seeing you yesterday George Varga​.  Thanks for interviewing me. I just can’t believe you wore a surgical mask through the whole interview. I swear the flu is out of my body. I promise! Read the interview HERE.

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