Phinger phail 

iPhone finger fail by yours truly.

There’s something I love about a photo finger fail. It’s almost like the finger is saying:

“Hey man, I know it’s real pretty out there and everything but how about me? I deserve to be in the picture too. I’m the best part. I look really nice in the top left hand corner barging in like a pushy line cutter at the airport when a flight gets cancelled. Or maybe I’m like a person who cuts in front of you at the all you can eat buffet in a casino in Vegas. I’m the guy who acts like he doesn’t see you at the snack bar treat line at the movies. I’m the guy cutting in front of you at the post office on tax day. Or- I’m just a finger wrecking what would’ve been a pretty picture.”

I sing The National Anthem this Thursday. Tomorrow! At Petco Park. Padres vs Pirates.

It’s a 6:10 pm start. That means I sing at 6:03 ish. Hope I see you.

Then- Friday night Apr 22 I’m in Sisters Oregon at The Belfry. Sat Aril 23 Cottage Grove Oregon at The Axe and Fiddle and then—- Sunday Apr 24 Seattle WA at The Tractor in Ballard.

Don’t cut in line. Have some manners. And womenners.

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Weekend shows 

Gotta catch this flight. I get to play some shows this weekend. Friday night Apr 22 Sisters Oregon at The Belfry. Sat Aril 23 Cottage Grove Oregon at The Axe and Fiddle and then—- Sunday Apr 24 Seattle WA at The Tractor in Ballard.

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It was the seventies

I think this was 1976 / her name? Boogie! Yep Boogie. It was the seventies man. Palm Springs California. We went to the dance. Wonder where she is now?

Here’s some upcoming shows!

Thu Apr 21 San Diego, Ca Petco Park 6pm National Anthem Padres vs Pirates

Fri Apr 22 Sisters, OR The Belfry

Sat Apr 23 Cottage Grove OR The Axe & Fiddle

Sun Apr 24 Seattle, WA Tractor Tavern

Sun May1 Charleston WV Mountain Stage

Fri May 6 Phoenix Az Musical Instrument Museum

Fri May 13 Denver, CO The Walnut Room

Sat May 14 Colorado Springs Friends House Concert Series

Wed May 18 Portland, OR Doug Fir Lounge w/ Grant Lee Phillips

Thu May 19 Grass Valley Ca Center For The Arts w/ Grant Lee Phillips

Fri May 20 Chico Ca The Rendesvous w/ Grant Lee Phillips

Sat May 21 San Diego Ca The North Park Festival of the Arts

Sun May 22 San Francisco Ca Slim’s

Mon May 23 Evanston, IL S.P.A.C.E. w/ Brothers Comatose

Tue May 24 Indianapolis The Hi-Fi w/ Brothers Comatose

Wed May 25 Pittsburgh Pa Pittsburgh Winery

Fri May 27 Cumberland MD Del Fest

Sat May 28 Cumberland MD Del Fest

Mon May 30 NYC City Winery w/ Alejandro Escovedo

Tue May 31 NYC City Winery w/ Alejandro Escovedo

Sat June 4 Nelsonville Ohio Nelsonville Folk Festival

Sun June 5 Nelsonville Ohio Nelsonville Folk Festival

Thurs June 9 Arlington Tx Levitt Pavillion

Fri June 10 Austin Tx Threadgills

Sat June 11 Novato Ca Novato Festival of Art Wine and Music

Sun June 12 Novato Ca Novato Festival of Art Wine and Music

Sat June 18 Oceanside Ca House Concert contact Brian for Tix

Fri – Sun July 1-3 Quincy Ca High Sierra Music Festival

Sat and sun July 9 and 10
Harbor Springs Michigan Blissfest

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One Night Taco Stand 

Happy Saturday everybody!

It’s a perfect day for a One Night Taco Stand. ‘Sup Girl?

Thanks to the fabulous songwriter Josh Grider for giving me this shirt. He has a song called One Night Taco Stand and he sells these shirts at his shows. He’s a great human being and a cool muso.

Have a sweet day wherever you may me.

You kids get offa my lawn! I just mowed it.

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Please help me.


Does anyone out there have any plasticine for my galvinator set? I ran into some trouble in Middletown after my gaftershnavel ran amok. I guess the hose blew out and the galvinator started leaking Co4/2-3 all over the carpet. I’m seriously stranded and confused. I feel so alone. I tried to tighten the lug nut on the casing but the pertrifimode busted a cylinder and now I’ve really gotten myself into a big mess. I ruined my favorite jeans because I didn’t know this stuff was flammable and my friend’s little kid was lighting sparklers in the garage.

If anyone can help please let know. This is really serious. Also, the figgimator is no longer doing its job and pipes are freezing and cracking. Ah jeez. I’ve created quite a mess. Please someone help me. I called an electrician and a plumber and a mechanic and they all told me an automaton is probably the culprit. But a new automaton is way too expensive. Does anyone know a welder? Please send prayers. And pliers.

I’m really sacred. Oops I mean scared.

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Use some tape 

San Francisco – Grass Valley- Chico- Portland.

These four places will have a double bill that’s sure to tickle your fancy. I recommend you travel to all 4. Follow us around. We don’t bite. We don’t even bark. We are docile little lambs. Shear us. Hear us. Don’t fear us. Come near us. Oh, dear us.

Sometimes I listen to Sirius.

That’s all for now.
PS- print out these flyers and trade them like baseball cards. Give them to people in elevators. When you get petrol leave one on the gas pump. Hand them out when you’re waiting in the hotdog line at a baseball game. Tape one to your hotdog. Pull your pants down and tape one to your other hotdog. If you don’t have a hotdog and you have girly parts then tape one to your girly vageena. People will like this. Cops will think it’s cool. Give one to your mom and dad. Tell your grandpa to take his pants off. Throw a box of cereal at someone’s head.

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Thanks for the shirt

Thanks to the nice person in Australia who gave me this t-shirt.

It makes me smile.

And I like to smile.

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Ahhhh Scotland

I was just going through some old pictures I took when I was in Scotland a couple years ago. The photos reminded me how much I miss that wonderful magical country. I need to go back.

I’d like to translate what this picture says:

Ya see- The Scots have a very colorful way of speaking. The health inspector shut down this fish and chips joint because they found mice. It’s known as a chippy. Drunk folks like to eat french fries late at night and deep fried greasy fish. It’s a booze mop.

So here’s what the sign says in non Scottish speak:

Who gives a f%ck about mice?
I do not go to a fish and chips establishment to get healthy you c-u- next-tuesdays!

Health inspector please stay away.

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Flashback Wednesday 

Flashback Wednesday or something like it.

This is me chillin on the old sofa probably watching a baseball game.

I look like a Russian Oligarch.

Or a Buddhist monk.

Or a Hungarian train conductor.

Either way, I know I was in a zen state.

Here’s the conversation I was having-

“I sure would like to suck a tit. I’m thirsty. Whoa, I just shit my pants. I hope I don’t continue to crap my shorts as I get older because it’s kind of uncomfortable. What’s a guitar? I bet they’re fun to touch. I want to learn how to play one. Music is nice. I like art. It is fun. Where’s that boob? Me thirsty.”

Good times.

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Titanic lunch menu

If you would’ve been on The Titanic here’s your final lunch.

If you would’ve been on The Titanic here’s your final lunch.

This was the day before the early morning crash on April 15, 1912.

Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m sitting at a table with people from today that time traveled back for this meal.

Here’s their conversation with the waiter that I’m hearing in my head-

“Yes, this all looks wonderful but I was wondering if you had any gluten free or vegan options? My partner is celiac and even crouton crumbs are intolerable. Oh by the way, I downloaded google maps before we left and it looks like we’re headed in the direction of an iceberg. Someone reported it on Waze. Please let the captain know. Perhaps you could text the chef and ask him if he can whip up some tofurkey in a gluten free wrap for lunch tomorrow. Also, do you have any decaf? I’d like a decaf soy mocha latte.”

Waiter- “How about some Stilton cheese on corned ox tongue? Is that gluten free? I’m not sure what you mean by text, tofurkey and vegan?”

“Just bring me some lettuce. Is it organic? Put the dressing on the side. Do you have wifi? I can’t get a good signal. I thought I paid for data roaming. Also, I was wondering if you offered pilates classes? Also, there doesn’t seem to be a tv in my cabin and I’d like to watch the new Hunger Games.”

Waiter- “I’m just a waiter. I need to get back to serving these meals. I’ll send over the captain.”

“Also, speaking of the captain, his first mate is bossy bosserson and he keeps barking out orders like he’s Hitler. I’m going to give him a bad Yelp review.”

Waiter- “Who’s Hitler?”

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