One Night Taco Stand 

  
Happy Saturday everybody!

It’s a perfect day for a One Night Taco Stand. ‘Sup Girl?

Thanks to the fabulous songwriter Josh Grider for giving me this shirt. He has a song called One Night Taco Stand and he sells these shirts at his shows. He’s a great human being and a cool muso.

Have a sweet day wherever you may me.

You kids get offa my lawn! I just mowed it.

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Please help me.

  
HELP!!!

Does anyone out there have any plasticine for my galvinator set? I ran into some trouble in Middletown after my gaftershnavel ran amok. I guess the hose blew out and the galvinator started leaking Co4/2-3 all over the carpet. I’m seriously stranded and confused. I feel so alone. I tried to tighten the lug nut on the casing but the pertrifimode busted a cylinder and now I’ve really gotten myself into a big mess. I ruined my favorite jeans because I didn’t know this stuff was flammable and my friend’s little kid was lighting sparklers in the garage.

If anyone can help please let know. This is really serious. Also, the figgimator is no longer doing its job and pipes are freezing and cracking. Ah jeez. I’ve created quite a mess. Please someone help me. I called an electrician and a plumber and a mechanic and they all told me an automaton is probably the culprit. But a new automaton is way too expensive. Does anyone know a welder? Please send prayers. And pliers.

I’m really sacred. Oops I mean scared.

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Use some tape 

  
San Francisco – Grass Valley- Chico- Portland.

These four places will have a double bill that’s sure to tickle your fancy. I recommend you travel to all 4. Follow us around. We don’t bite. We don’t even bark. We are docile little lambs. Shear us. Hear us. Don’t fear us. Come near us. Oh, dear us.

Sometimes I listen to Sirius.

That’s all for now.
xoxoxoox
SP
PS- print out these flyers and trade them like baseball cards. Give them to people in elevators. When you get petrol leave one on the gas pump. Hand them out when you’re waiting in the hotdog line at a baseball game. Tape one to your hotdog. Pull your pants down and tape one to your other hotdog. If you don’t have a hotdog and you have girly parts then tape one to your girly vageena. People will like this. Cops will think it’s cool. Give one to your mom and dad. Tell your grandpa to take his pants off. Throw a box of cereal at someone’s head.

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Thanks for the shirt

  
Thanks to the nice person in Australia who gave me this t-shirt.

It makes me smile.

And I like to smile.

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Ahhhh Scotland

  
I was just going through some old pictures I took when I was in Scotland a couple years ago. The photos reminded me how much I miss that wonderful magical country. I need to go back.

I’d like to translate what this picture says:

Ya see- The Scots have a very colorful way of speaking. The health inspector shut down this fish and chips joint because they found mice. It’s known as a chippy. Drunk folks like to eat french fries late at night and deep fried greasy fish. It’s a booze mop.

So here’s what the sign says in non Scottish speak:

Who gives a f%ck about mice?
I do not go to a fish and chips establishment to get healthy you c-u- next-tuesdays!

Health inspector please stay away.

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Flashback Wednesday 

  
Flashback Wednesday or something like it.

This is me chillin on the old sofa probably watching a baseball game.

I look like a Russian Oligarch.

Or a Buddhist monk.

Or a Hungarian train conductor.

Either way, I know I was in a zen state.

Here’s the conversation I was having-

“I sure would like to suck a tit. I’m thirsty. Whoa, I just shit my pants. I hope I don’t continue to crap my shorts as I get older because it’s kind of uncomfortable. What’s a guitar? I bet they’re fun to touch. I want to learn how to play one. Music is nice. I like art. It is fun. Where’s that boob? Me thirsty.”

Good times.

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Titanic lunch menu

  
If you would’ve been on The Titanic here’s your final lunch.

If you would’ve been on The Titanic here’s your final lunch.

This was the day before the early morning crash on April 15, 1912.

Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m sitting at a table with people from today that time traveled back for this meal.

Here’s their conversation with the waiter that I’m hearing in my head-

“Yes, this all looks wonderful but I was wondering if you had any gluten free or vegan options? My partner is celiac and even crouton crumbs are intolerable. Oh by the way, I downloaded google maps before we left and it looks like we’re headed in the direction of an iceberg. Someone reported it on Waze. Please let the captain know. Perhaps you could text the chef and ask him if he can whip up some tofurkey in a gluten free wrap for lunch tomorrow. Also, do you have any decaf? I’d like a decaf soy mocha latte.”

Waiter- “How about some Stilton cheese on corned ox tongue? Is that gluten free? I’m not sure what you mean by text, tofurkey and vegan?”

“Just bring me some lettuce. Is it organic? Put the dressing on the side. Do you have wifi? I can’t get a good signal. I thought I paid for data roaming. Also, I was wondering if you offered pilates classes? Also, there doesn’t seem to be a tv in my cabin and I’d like to watch the new Hunger Games.”

Waiter- “I’m just a waiter. I need to get back to serving these meals. I’ll send over the captain.”

“Also, speaking of the captain, his first mate is bossy bosserson and he keeps barking out orders like he’s Hitler. I’m going to give him a bad Yelp review.”

Waiter- “Who’s Hitler?”

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Upcoming shows

  
Dang! I tried to watch Vinyl last night at about 10pm and was asleep within the first minute. Maybe even the first 30 seconds. Jet lag put me under like I was anesthetized. Woke up at 4am thinking I was in Australia and then said eff this noise, it’s 4am in here in San Diego so I went back to sleep and slept till 8:30am. Perfect.

Now I feel rested and ready and full of vim and vigor. Ready to tackle the day.

So much to do.

Thursday April 21 – I’m singing the National Anthem at Petco Park here in San Diego before The Padres play The Pirates. It’s a 6:10pm game start. An hour earlier than the usual 7:10. That means I’ll sing at 6.

Fri Apr 22 I play Sisters Oregon at The Belfry.

Sat Apr 23 I play Cottage Grove Oregon at The Axe and Fiddle

Sunday April 24 I play Seattle Washington (actually Ballard) at The Tractor Tavern

Fri May 6 I play Phoenix Arizona at The Musical Instrument Museum

Fri May 13 I play Denver Co at The Walnut Room

Sat May 14 I play Colorado Springs at Friends House concerts Series

Wed May 18 I play Portland Oregon at The Doug Fir Lounge

Thurs May 19 I play Grass Valley Ca at The Center For The Arts

Fri May 20 I play Chico Ca at The Rendezvous

Sat May 21 I play San Diego at The North Park Festival of The Arts

Sun May 22 I play San Francisco Ca at Slim’s

Mon May 23 I play Evanston Illinois at S.P.A.C.E.

Tues May 24 I play Indianapolis In at The Hi-Fi

Fri and Sat May 27 & 28 I play Del Fest in Cumberland Maryland

Mon AND Tues May 30 and 31- I play NYC at City Winery with Alejandro Escovedo

Sat and Sun June 4 and 5th I play The Nelsonville Folk Festival in Nelsonville Ohio

Thursday June 9 I play Arlington Texas at The Levitt Pavilion for The Performing Arts

I think Fri June 10 is going to be Austin Tx at Threadgills (don’t quote me on that but pretty sure)

Sat AND Sun June 11 and 12 I’ll be playing Novato Ca at Novato Festival of Art Wine and Music

Sat June 18 Oceanside Ca at Laurel House Concerts

July 2 and 3rd I’ll play High Sierra Music Festival in Quincy Ca

There are many more dates but my thumbs are tired of typing this into my phone.

Go here for ticket links to all these listings
http://poltz.com/words/tour/current-tour-dates/

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Back in the USA 

  
Back in the USA-
So weird how you can hop on a plane and watch a few tv shows (Sherlock) (Better Call Saul) (The Affair)
Read a few things

New Rolling Stone -interesting piece on space travel and exploration and searching for other forms of life — Aliens!

New York Times- cool article on John Prine

Sleep for a very short spell sitting up until I’m startled awake with drool leaking outta my mouth

Next thing you know they’re bringing you an omelette and you’re landing in Los Angeles after 15 hours

In the words of John Prine- We are living in the future

Now I hop a quick puddle jumper to San Diego

Eat a taco
Sleeeeeep!
Zzzzzzzzzz

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Thank you — Australia!

  
Thank you Australia.
1. You clapped for me
2. You laughed with me
3. You fed me (heaps! Like a king)
4. You bought Merch
5. You came to my shows
6. You said crazy shit to me
7. You taught me new words
8. You sold me cool clothes
9. You made me the best coffee
10. You let me play your festivals

11. Free hugs!

And on and on and on

I’m honored and humbled to know you

My 16th time here and just gets better. Like peeling away the layers of an onion.
Or chopping an onion
Because my eyes are now teary

I’m leaving for San Diego
I’m on the plane
Gonna fly now

Much love and respect to you

Peace be with you – and also with you

San Diego here I come
Homeward bound
xoxox
SjjP

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