Endangered Species

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Ok, I’ve discovered my new favorite chocolate. This is perfect. It’s all I need. If I could shoot it into my veins I would.

Hang on, someone just interrupted me in the alley behind Whole Foods.

Scary guy-
“Ummm excuse me sir but did you know that you CAN inject this chocolate into your veins?”

Me-
“I can? How?”

Scary guy-
“Here let me show you. It’s much faster and the high lasts longer.”

Me-
“Is that needle clean? It looks dirty.”

Scary guy-
“Oh, that’s just chocolate and maybe a tiny amount of DNA. It’s pretty clean. Besides, you can’t catch anything from needles. That whole needle disease thing was a rumor started by Al Qaeda and PETA.”

“Ok cool. Whoa, dude, this is some pure chocolate and the salt and the almonds sort of makes it a mellow buzz. Thanks bro. This is great. What do I owe you?”

Scary guy-
“Nothing. No worries. The first one’s free.”

Me-
“Is there an ATM around here? Let’s buy more.”

Brought to you by Endangered Species Chocolate. Proud sponsor of The Rugburns.

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Belly Up Feb 21

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Hey San Diego! I’m gonna play a show Feb 21. Tickets HERE!

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Sugar beach

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This is what the beach looked like at The 30A Songwriters Festival in the panhandle over yonder in Grayton Beach Florida. At first I thought this was snow and then I realized it was sugar. I guess the elves pour sugar on the beach each morning while everyone is sleeping. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t tasted it.

Oh yeah, and I saw Leon Russell play and that didn’t suck.

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Travel reflections

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Travel reflections from a troubadour 30,000 feet up in the clouds. Heading west to San Diego from Atlanta.

Thank you Atlanta and Eddie’s Attic. I’ll definitely be back for another longer show.

And thanks to all my new Florida friends I met on this last jaunt. It’s good to be alive. Right after I typed that last sentence we started hitting turbulence. Haha.

I don’t like it when they say “We’ll be on the ground shortly.”

I prefer them to say “We’ll be landing shortly.”

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6999

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I’m one like away from 7,000 on this page. And then? Well, glad you asked. Things are about to change.

1. I’ll immediately be able to fly first class on any airline anywhere at any time for half the cost of a coach class ticket.

2. Batteries will always be included with any purchase. Even oranges and socks.

3. The winning lotto numbers will sprinkle from the sky like confetti and only I will be able to see them as long as I wear my special glasses that the Angel Moroni will personally give me.

4. Strangers will approach me on the street and give me pieces of chocolate cake.

5. Mark Zuckerberg will gift me 10,000 shares of Facebook at today’s prices with the only stipulation being that I have to accept a Tesla from him in exchange for my old toothbrush.

It’s gonna happen any day now.

You just wait and see.

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Good times last night

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It was fun last night hanging out with my pal Bob Schneider here in Florida. Except nobody photobombed us. Isn’t there a way you can photobomb us through the wonders of photoshop? I bet even Gandhi would’ve done it. Look at all that room behind us.

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Pee walk beach walk

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So I saw this on my beach walk here in Grayton Beach Florida in the old panhandle. The reason the water is separated is because I had to pee really bad. Look at all the pee that came out of me!

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The nerve of some people

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Last night after Bob Schneider’s great show here in Florida at The 30A Songwriter’s Festival, a really nice person got her picture taken with Bob and some dang fool had to photobomb it. The nerve of these people. The nerve. The nerve.

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Huh?

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Today when I got out of yoga I put back on my socks and boots and a woman approached me and asked why my socks said ‘porn’ on them. I looked at them and pulled them up and said “I think they say Portland. Namaste.”

So she said “I’m so sorry. Now I’m embarrassed. I’m turning red. Ugh. By the way, my name is Sarah.”

So I said “Nice to meet you Sarah. I’m Ron. Ron Jeremy.”

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Eddie’s Attic this Sunday

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I’m finally returning to Georgia after all these years. This Sunday Jan 18 at 6 pm at Eddie’s Attic. Have you guys ever been to Georgia and eaten peaches? It’s going to be wonderful. Tell all your friends and then tell strangers. Like maybe if you’re standing in line at the ATM or getting groceries just shout out my name and say Eddie’s Attic 6pm. Here’s the link for tickets and winning lotto numbers and the answer to life.

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