Carrots

IMG_3894.JPG
As I was strolling through Farmers Market this morning these carrots called out my name. They said, “Hey you! It’s almost Thanksgiving. Don’t let us just sit here all day. Take us home and use our nutrients. We’re organic and we don’t panic. We love food that’s Asian and Hispanic. We’d even cross the great Atlantic and we don’t need some food mechanic. So eat us or we’ll just be frantic.”

Then I said, “carrots can’t talk” and then this pint sized chihuahua came up to me and said “you should listen to those carrots. They’re not just squawking. They’re truth talking. They’re vitamin hawking. Stick them in your Christmas stocking. Don’t just stand there gawking. Are you focking crazeeee? Ruff ruff. Buy them!”

So I did.

Posted in Everything Else | 1 Comment

The Green Dye Historical Society

IMG_3869.JPG
This picture of a glass of water reminds me of the time I met a glass of water in a restaurant who asked me not to drink him until he told me his story. He said, “I rained down from the clouds and landed in a river in the middle of a city called Chicago. It was the day before St. Patrick’s Day 1988 and I was dyed green along with the whole river and somehow ended up in Milwaukee at a Miller Beer factory. I sat in the brewery and eventually after a year of hanging out I was put into a keg and shipped off to Motown. I arrived in Detroit on St. Patrick’s Day and was immediately dyed green. What is it with you people and your green dye? I was poured into a frosty mug and chugged by a reveler wearing a kiss me I’m Irish hat. She eventually peed me out and I was transferred to a sewage treatment facility in Phoenix Arizona. They beached and chlorinated my watery DNA and removed any lingering germs from my short stay in the bladder of the green hatted reveler with the UTI. So before you drink me I just wanted you to know little bit about where I came from. You should fucking thank me before you drink me you ungrateful bastard. I’ve been through hell and back. Don’t waste me. One day there won’t be any more of me left.”

So, I would like to take this time to thank the glass of water that I just chugged. From now on I’ll be more considerate with you now that I understand you have feelings. Speaking of feelings, I feel like I have to go pee but now I don’t want to use the toilet because I feel like I’ll be wasting you so I think I will urinate on this tree just like that dog over there is doing on the sidewalk. Oh no, hello officer.

Posted in Everything Else | 2 Comments

Catgull

IMG_3851.JPG
This is what it looked like this morning in San Diego on my walk at 6:24am. People were maybe sleeping on their boats or just waking up and remembering their dreams that they were stowaway cats that smelled fresh caught tuna and ended up on boats headed to Papeete. What a drag to be a cat caught on a boat that’s headed out to sea for two months. These people probably woke up meowing and I can almost hear their dreams if I listen closely. One guy that’s still asleep is now a cat with the wings of a seagull. He’s a catgull. Jonathan Livingston Catgull.

As you were.

Posted in Everything Else | 1 Comment

Remember when

IMG_3830.JPG
Remember that time you were walking home after tennis practice and you challenged yourself to see if you could drink a whole bottle of Bacardi Gold and you lost and then woke up in the bushes and realized you were late for class and you left your tennis shoes in your favorite backpack and lost that lucky green pen that you loved? That was cool.

IMG_3845.JPG
It’s winter in San Diego. Brrrrr. Today it was 75 and sunny. How are we supposed to survive this? Look how pale I am. I need to take a nap in a pizza oven and warm up. I used to make pizzas for a living at Roundtable Pizza in La Mesa Ca. This was back in 1979. I got fired for singing people’s orders over the microphone. I’d make up songs like “hey Sarah! Your large pepperoni pie is ready steady to share with Eddie but watch out for Freddy cuz he’ll steal it if you’re not steady.”
What did they expect? There was a microphone at my disposal. I had to make up songs. And for this I get fired? Oy vey!

Posted in Everything Else | Leave a comment

All show cancelled till Jan 2015

IMG_3824.JPG
I just left the neurologist and all of my shows are cancelled until the new year. Doctor’s orders. So sorry about this. I will make them up to you. I promise. They’re still waiting on some tests and some results and he said it would be dangerous to my health to be out on the road with my hectic schedule. I’m hoping for good news by December and smooth sailing for 2015.
Bummed because this was going to be a fun tour with Ellis Paul so please go say hi to him for me. Also say hi to Toad The Wet Sprocket. I’ll miss them too. Also give Tim Flannery a hug from me. Also hug my old stomping grounds in Palm Springs. I’ll be back and ready to kick some ass in the new year.
All apologies.
Life is wacky. Just when you think you’re heading in a certain direction all of a sudden you’re on a different road where you’ve never been.

Posted in Everything Else | 13 Comments

Howdy Rowdys

Man- I’ve been off the World Wide Web for the past few days but today I’m trying to reassemble my life and you guys have been so sweet with yer well wishes. Thank you times a billion. Tears.

So – I had two strokes. I’m lucky to be walking and talking and feeling my own skin and seeing things. Grateful to be alive and kicking. I think I have to wear a heart monitor for a month. Didn’t Larry David have to do that on a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode? I’m seeing a bunch of specialists and trying to figure out why this happened. They still don’t know and may never. All I know is I feel like my head got spun but it’s healing. The neurologist and cardiologist will keep searching for answers. The human body is crazy complicated.

The good news is– I get to watch game 7 of The World Series.

I’ll be back playing shows. Hopefully soon. I couldn’t think of playing one yet because my throat is facked from the scope they rammed down me. But I can tell I am on the mend.

Life is special. I’ll tell you that. Aspirin will be my best friend. I never thought I’d be saying this kind of stuff but I feel emotional and I would like to say that I love you.

Posted in Everything Else | 10 Comments

Cancelled shows

I’m sorry that I’ve had to cancel some of the shows on this tour—apologies to everyone in Charlottesville, Ashland, Charlotte and Chapel Hill, Decatur , Chattanooga, Nashville, St Augustine and St Petersburg. I was looking forward to seeing friends and playing to new folks I haven’t met yet in those cities. The bad news is I may have to cancel a few more shows —but the good news is I’ll be back on the road soon.

Doctors say I have to take a little break after blacking out on stage in Wilmington Wednesday. I ended up in the hospital, but I’m doing OK—heading back home tonight and the short version is that they’re not sure why it happened and may never know. But I’m doing OK…just have to have some more tests and take it easy for a little while.

If you’re really interested, here’s the long story: I’m probably off the road through November 6. Doctor’s orders. I blacked out on stage Wednesday night in Wilmington—all I know is that I suddenly lost vision in my right eye and got disoriented and all fuzzy. Very scary. I went to the emergency room and after a lot of tests, they’ve decided I had two mini subacute strokes.

I’m OK, just a little hazy now. Probably because of all the tests. I was under anesthesia yesterday for an ultrasound through my esophagus called a transesophageal echocardiography. It showed that my heart is fine. I’ve also had a CT scan of my brain, an MRI of my brain (that’s what showed the two subacute strokes had occurred) ultrasounds of my legs and heart and also an MRA of the arteries in my neck that shows no blockages. And my blood pressure and cholesterol are both great.

Bottom line is that they just don’t know what caused this. Since I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs, I asked if my schedule or stress could have anything to do with it and they said they didn’t think so. But I’m going to have some more tests today and then a few more after I get home.. Maybe I had a blood clot or something like that.

Again, I’m really sorry about canceling these shows. I hated to do it, but didn’t have a choice. I’ll let you know when I’m back at it.

Thanks very much to Lou and Rain for driving me to the ER.

I really am OK. Just a little hazy—there’s no paralysis or anything like that. I apologize if I don’t get back to you, but I have to take it easy as I work with everyone to figure this all out.
Big thanks to all the doctors and nurses and orderlies etc at University Medical at Princeton. Time for me to go home and rest.

Posted in Everything Else | 16 Comments

Poltz plays Delaware Tonight!

Breakfast? Served all day? How am I ever gonna make my show in Wilmington Delaware tonight? This is crazy! Get tickets for World Cafe Live show in Wilmington.

Watch video here

Posted in Everything Else | 1 Comment

Jammin Java tonight!

IMG_3706.JPG
It’s a decent day to drive to Vienna Virginia. Leaves are fa fa falling. The air is as crisp as a deep fried taco. The colors are guacamole transcendent and padre gold and brown. I’ve a good mind to play a few tunes tonight at Jammin Java. This is the night the cyborgs get to do the boogaloo. Change your undies shave your pubes and get outta bed you ruby rubes. Daylight’s burning and we got tolls to pay and tickets to avoid eyes to greet with troubadour smiles. See ya tonight you lost puppies. Jammin Java in Vienna Virginia.

Posted in Everything Else | Leave a comment

Jammin Java

Hey DC people! I’m going to be in your neck of the nape tomorrow night. I play Jammin Java. Here’s a video about this French place. Jammin Java - Vienna Virginia. Oct 21 7:30 pm. I probably play about 8:30.
Watch video here!

Posted in Everything Else | 1 Comment