So I’ve decided I’m going to walk to San Antonio from San Francisco. My show is the very next day after I play Novato California. Google Maps says it’ll take 23 days and 14 hours and that the route includes a fairy. But I walk really fast. That’s so cool that it includes a fairy. I wonder if it’s a good fairy that will protect me and sprinkle gold dust on my walking trail? Maybe it’s a tooth fairy and he/she will leave me 50 cents under my pillow.
Oh wait– I just checked again. It says ferry. Never mind! Dang it. What a rip off. I guess I’ll fly.
Why don’t things ever go my way. I hate Mondays. What day is it? Oh, Wednesday. I like Wednesdays. Hump day. Ride a camel save water. Oh wait– now you tell me it’s Thursday? Named after the Greek God Thor? Thorsday? Well shit howdy, how did I miss Wednesday? Go get em Thor! Happy Thorsday!
I thought I bought Tetley Tea but it was Titley and all the tea bags are in the shape of boobs. #udderlyniptastic
Today I fly back to San Diego in another episode of Where’s Waldo. New York and Boston were good to me. Thanks for coming out to the shindigs. I wonder if that’s what people who dig The Shins call themselves? Shindigs. Deadheads. Shindigs. Hmmm. Rugburns – Rugheads? Sideburns?
I’m confused. What was I talking about?
Oh well, I can’t remember.
Oh I know what I was gonna say–
My July 27th show in Northern California at Hopmonk in Novato is sold out.
So if you want to see a show, I’m playing 2 nights in a row in Austin Texas July 29 and 30. Austin isn’t too far from the San Francisco Bay Area. You could walk there if you leave today and have comfortable shoes, a flyswatter, fishing pole and a knapsack.
Get you tickets early and save money.
Tues July 29 tix-
Wed July 30 tix-
Wow! I got to go to @mlb headquarters today in NYC to record my new song about Tony Gwynn. I’ll let ya know when it goes online.
Now back in New York. Yikes.
Thanks Boston! I mean Cambridge Massachusetts.
Last night was a hoot, a holler and a veritable cornucopia of bent guitar strings and wild yelps and coyote howls. It was nature mixed with concrete and it sent shivers down my electric spine.
My final NYC show is tonight at 9:30pm.
Rockwood Music Hall stage 3
185 Orchard Street NYC
I love this room. I played there last Friday and the sound is stellar. I hope I see you in The Big Apple tonight. Tickets
That’d be cool if God had a website. God. com and you could order tshirts and they were super soft white cottony and hobottany. (I didn’t know how to rhyme cottony)
But anyways – if God had a website it’d be great if he posted tour dates and stuff. Maybe some of the tshirts could have a burning bush on them and others just pearly gates. Maybe he could also sell vinyl records of songs he wrote while he was doing other stuff like making people out of clay.
There could also be his blog with his musings about his daily activities and life itself.
Hey Humans on Earth,
Why are you guys so effing screwed up? I gave you great soil, air and water and all you’re doing is poisoning it? But anyways, here’s a new recipe for some brownies I came up with the other day while I was trying to divert a hurricane and avoid another world war. These things are scrumptious with a hint of cinnamon and walnuts.
Also- if you’d like I can teach you how to be nicer to one and other but you need to learn to listen. I’m doing a Kickstarter for my new cd (hey, I’m broke!) and it contains some secrets to happiness. It’s called God (listen up) It’s whiter than The White Album by the Beatles.
Here are the levels:
10 bucks get you a digital download.
20 gets you a God poster.
30 gets you a poster signed by me God and a digital download AND some of my brownies.
200 gets you a visit with my son and a pack of bubblegum cigarettes and some brownies and a poster.
500 gets you all of the above and some of my new frankincense and myrrh cologne AND my cellphone number.
1000 gets you all of the above and your name on the credits as an executive producer AND a piece of genuine wood from Noah’s Ark. (While supplies last)
2000 gets you all of the above and it gets you fast-tracked to the head of the line outside the pearly gates unless your last name is Hitler. Valid ID required.
That’s all for now. I gotta go save a cat who’s trapped in a tree.
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Say your prayers
PS- I love you
My NYC show was a success. Great venue and good crowd of New Yawkers with a sprinkle of fun Wisconsonites. Good times in The Big Apple.
Now? I leave for Boston. I’m shipping off to Boston. I play Cambridge tonight at the legendary Club Passim. I’ll eat some chowdah for ya. I wish I could go see a game at Fenway but duty calls and I must report for song singing duty.
I play at 9pm. Get there early. There’s music before I play in the form of Dinty Child. But at 9pm I’ll take the stage. Maybe 9:01 or 9:03 but it’ll happen.
See ya in Boston! Oops. Cambridge.
Then Sunday night I’m
Back in NYC at Rockwood Music Hall Stage 3. More fun and games.
Let’s all go to Boston. C’mon, everybody’s doin’ it.
Grand Central Terminal is a front for ragged patrons selling carpets and Frankenstein memorabilia. It looks nice right now but there are ghosts and Ferrari dealers lurking in the foyer. Ahhh ahh Ahhh the everyday people.
It’s time for sleepy time tea and time to dream. Time to climb tall buildings and parachute off through the low flying clouds made of misty caffeine laced Mountain Dew. Time for the lizards to crawl out of my brain and go back to hassling hamsters in the desert.
One day we’re all going to play canasta together or hearts. You just wait and see. We’ll bake cookies and tell stories of the good old days when we had paper routes and fixed the little engines on our lawn mowers while our parents watched with gazes of approval.
Our eyes will well up with tears as we remember our first kiss and the way our hearts pounded like distant drums or a blown out muffler. Lick the envelope and seal the letter. Tomorrow is a new day full of opportunity. Grab it.
Here’s a fun video for my upcoming Northern Ca show in Novato on July 27.
Hello GW Bridge! Next stop New York City. I play at Rockwood Music Hall tonight at 9:30pm 196 Allen St NYC
I got some great sleep last night. Wow. Slept like a mummy until noon. I feel better than James Brown. Hey Ho let’s go!